Baby....fever....

   I always thought that I didn't want to have kids till I was about 23 or 24. I didn't want to have kids while I was still in high school because I wanted to make sure that I was well educated and could provide for my children and not have to work at McDonalds. When half of the girls in my high school got pregnant including almost all of my friends I didn't jump on the bandwagon, but now that we have all graduated and I'm in college now I don't want to wait any longer. I'm still so young at the age of 19 and I have one more year till I have a bachelors of science that I will receive from Full Sail University but I want to continue on to become a teacher. I've been in a relationship with my fiancee for 2 years now and he wants kids as well but wants to have more money first. I'm with him on that one but it's just hard when your just in that mindset. I got over all the partying and drinking my first year of college. I have been focusing on college and my job and paying rent on time not focusing on how much I can drink and weither I am the best at flip cup (which I must say I am pretty good at). It just feels like I am older than most kids my age. My fiancee and I live 1,400 miles away from our parents so I feel like we are forced to act more mature and have more responsibilities. It's fun and I really enjoy it.
   There is another reason why I can't shake this baby fever. I'm afraid that I will die young and I won't get to experience this wonderful gift. I'm afraid that the love of my life will die tomorrow and I won't have a wonderful little piece of him to carry on. Or I am afraid that in a year I will get into a car accident that will keep me from every having kids. It's hard when you think like that and I get that you aren't supposed to think like that but it's that little thing in the back of your mind.